O noua EU!!

Dupa nenumarate tentative si deschideri ale paginii de blog cu mult entuziasm si inchiderii dezamagite in mai putin de 5 minute iata ca sint iarasi la o noua incercare de a polua blogul meu cu un articol. A 20-a cred, dar nu asta conteaza. Ideea e ca sa nu fie si cea de-a 21-a tentativa esuata la colectia mea.


A 21-a tentativa nu-mi spune altceva decat ca sint intr-un blocaj imens. Stau pasiva cu cafeaua in fata si savurez cum fetita mea se bucura de sunetul aproape enervant al trenutului Thomas si incerc sa intru in pielea ei sa inteleg ce anume o amuza cel mai mult. Daca o sa incep si eu sa cant si sa merg prin casa oare ii voi stirni acelasi interes ca acest trenut? Hmm...

Ieri am facut ceea ce nu am crezut si nici macar nu m-am gandit sa ma gandesc ca voi face vreodata, si anume...m-am frezat scuuuuurt! Poate pare ridicol ce spun, dar am simtit o provocare in cuvintele sotului care mi-a zis ca femeile nu au curajul sa faca o schimbare de genul asta in par si iata ca eu am facut-o. Stand in fata oglinzii si vazand cum foarfecele infuleca lacom din parul meu am simtit ca imi dau lacrimile, dar intr-un final m-am linistit si chiar eram fericita. De ce? Simteam cum o data cu parul cazut jos imi cad toate temerile si stereotipurile si parca ma nasteam o noua EU. Mi-am dat seama ca nu exista expresia "Asta nu e pentru mine", "Sau nu o voi face niciodata" pentru ca spunind asta ne limitam pe noi insine spre a inainta spre visurile noastre. Ne punem bariere peste bariere pe care nu le putem depasi din simplul motiv ca ne incapatanam sa ne lovim de singurul zid din fata noastra pe care il construim zi de zi cu atata inversunare ca sa ne lovim incontinuu de el si ca rezultat sa ne plingem de esecurile din viata noastra. Ne incapatanam sa innotam impotriva curentului de apa, sa luptam pentru visuri imaginare si chiar sa ne impunem niste visuri si dorinte din simplu motiv ca sa nu ajungem sa credem ca in realitate nu ne dorim nimic sau nu stim ce vrem, ce asteptam. Mergem ca niste stafii robotizati, condusi de oameni dezinhibati la minte care au reusit sa-si scoata batista de pe ochi si acum rad de noi, cei care ne mai punem si un prosop sa nu vedem ce ratati ajungem unii.

Aud des in jurul meu cuvinte rostite cu atata plictiseala "Sint plictisita" sau "Vreau adrenalina" si aici i-au sfarsit toate. De ce? Pertru ca omul traind cu aceste bariere in fata, interzicindu-si unele sau altele din simplul motiv ca le e frica sa incerce ceva nou sau pur si simplu pentru ca se gandesc ca "Asta nu e pentru mine" sau "Nu o voi face niciodata" automat isi limiteaza ideile si se lovesc de aceleasi gandiri "Hai sa organizam un pahod undeva". Acest "pahod" va dura cateva ore intr-o zi si se va termina. Oare se va termina si plictiseala? O fi ceva adrenalina in aceas pahod? Sint sigura ca a doua zi voi auzi iarasi cuvintele plictisite "Sint plictisita" sau "Vreau adrenalina". Adevarata adrenalina, consider eu, e sa incepeti sa va spargeti stereotipurile si sa distrugeti zidul din fata voastra. Faceti ceea ce spuneti cel mai des "Nu o sa fac asta niciodata" sau "Asta nu e pentru mine" si din acel moment o sa fiti "O noua EU" . Succes!!!

Cartea pe care o recomand din tot sufletul

"Aceasta carte este o cronica de amploare, care descompune cele doua masinarii malefice ale secolului trecut, comunismul sovietic si fascismul german. Un roman intunecat si deprimant, in felul in care doar marile creatii reusesc sa fie asa, raspicat si cu neinduplecare, descriind toate nenorocirile de care sint capabile fiintele umane, insa fara sa uite splendoarea la care se pot inalta in momente de cumpana". O carte profunda si complexa care descrie istoria asa cum a fost ea.
Citire placuta

Vremea trece, vremea vine...

Daca anul acesta va trece tot atat de repede cum a venit atunci mi-e frica ca nu voi reusi sa inteleg nimic din viata asta. Anul 2010, pe ultima a ei suta de metri, mi-a adus o tristete imensa in suflet, pierderea unei persoane foarte dragi care a lasat in sulfetul tuturor un gol imens. Nici acum nu prea realizez ce sa intamplat si sarbatorile au trecut ca o adevarata furtuna. Acum stau si privesc bradul impodobit pe 24 decembrie si realizez ca nu am avut timp pina acum sa-i admir frumusetea. Din pacate, abia acum am observat ca luminitile ii stau atarnate pe o parte si varful priveste mai mult in jos decat in sus, asta dupa ce fiica mea iubita l-a dat jos de 2 ori. Oare asa am intalnit sarbatorile? Sper ca nu!
In general, a fost un an bun cea mai mare realizare a mea fiind fiica mea Eva in care am investit multa dragoste, grija, atentie, staruinta etc asa cum nu am mai facut niciodata. Ea mi-a redat acel echilibru in viata de care aveam nevoie, ne-a daruit mie si sotului o temelie a unei familii, o fiinta atat de mica, dar care iti puterea unui univers intreg. Am invatat sa fiu mai putin egoista, am invatat sa apreciez alte lucruri, sa am alte valori. A fost un refresh total in viata mea. Pentru anul care vine am alte planuri, vise care sper din suflet sa le realizez. Imi doresc ca Dumnezeu sa-mi daruiasca multa sanatate mie si familiei mele si voua tuturor ca sa ne putem trai viata cu adevarat, sa putem face macar jumate din ceea ce ne dorim, sa oferim macar jumate din ceea ce avem de oferit, sa le spunem cat mai des celor dragi cat de mult ii iubim si pretuim pentru ca viata este imprevizibila si foarte scurta. La multi ani si multa sanatate tuturor.

O poveste de Craciun

watch?v=zM11DzWmO9Q
Afara ninge linistit,
Si mama face focul,
Iar noi pe langa mama imblam
Demult uita-ne-ar jocul!
Asa suna niste versuri frumoase de Craciun care ar caracteriza ceea ce sintem acum. Niste copii mari, niste copii cu copii care inca mai pastreaza in suflet atmosfera frumoaselor sarbatori de iarna. Aseara am iesit afara doar ca sa privesc miile de fulgi cum dansau in jurul meu ca intr-un ritual. Miscarile lor imi schitau amintiri din copilarie. Ma si vedeam mica, fugind prin ograda incercand sa-mi imaginez ca sint intr-o poveste protagonista careia sint Eu. Imi imaginam cum toata lumea se invarteste in jurul meu in ritmul fulgilor. Imi imaginam ca sint o printesa si ca miscarile dansului meu ma va ridica in vazduhul ametit de frumusetea iernii. Cu nasul rosu si obrajii inghetati intram in casa doar ca sa privesc pe geam si sa-mi continui povestea de Craciun.
Luna decembrie este luna minunilor. Este luna in care credem ca minunile exista si , de ce nu, ca Mos Craciun exista. Este luna in care cuvintele isi pierd orice valoare poerzindu-se in van. Cel putin eu nu am cuvinte. Ceea ce simt eu este ceva unic si daca cineva probabil ma va considera ciudata:)) eu pot sa zic ca aceasta perioada ma face cea mai fericita.







Asa vad eu povestea mea de Craciun, desi e multa zapada emana atata caldura si confort. Povestea voastra cum arata?

In a relationship, married or not... YOU SHOULD READ THIS!

 When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband.... The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Talentele ascunse ale unei mamici!

Acum, mai mult ca niciodata, in calitate de mame, imaginatia isi da frau liber gandirii voastre, scotind la iveala talentele ascunse in fiecare dintre femei. Avem dorinta si sentimentul ca putem face si imposibilul doar pentru a crea o atsmosfera de poveste pentru copii nostri, nu este adevarat? Asa incepem treptat sa ne fortam creierul mai mult ca niciodata ca sa intoarcem cu aproximativ 10 ani in urma si sa ne amintit cum ne arata profesoara la ora de munca sa crosetam sau sa impletim cateva ochiuri., desi, in acel moment toti juram solmen si cu mana pe inima ca nu vom avea nevoie de asa ceva in viata noastra.  Asa a patit si adorata mea prietena, pe care, de o luna incoace, acest "talent" nastrusnic si neastamparat nu o lasa pentru nicio clipa. Aici aveti cateva dintre creatiile ei si daca aveti si voi ceva interesant astept cu nerabdare sa-mi aratati.

Micile bucurii ale vietii

M-am trezit azi dimineata si am facut trista descoperire ca nu am apa la robinet ."Mda", mi-am zis eu, simtind ca incep sa ma enervez mai ales in momentele cand timpul trecea, dar in robinet nici "suflet" de apa. Am tot stat sa ma incurajez ca peste o jumatate de ora o sa fie pina nu am deschis site-ul de la "Apa-Canal" unde anuntau ca tot Telecetru nu va avea apa timp de 24 de ore. Am crezut ca lesin. Am hotarat ca cel mai bine ar fi sa ma resemnez, sa ma linistesc si sa incep sa caut o solutie. Usor de spus, greu de facut, mai ales cand Eva a murdarit toata casa de cashutsa si a dat pampersu cu treaba mare exact pe covor (pe partea in care e alb). Dupa ce am injurat o jumatate de ora intreg glob pamantesc, inclusiv legile lui Murphy, am adormit-o pe Eva si m-am dus sa-mi fac o cafea si cum ghinioanele se tineau lant de mine a cazut minerul ibricului. Dupa ce intr-un final mi-am facut cafeaua m-am trezit ca nu mai am zahar (aici trebuie sa recunosc ca am inceput sa rad pentru ca nu-mi venea sa cred ce mi se intampla). "Ok, o beau fara zahar". Cafeaua avea un gust oribil asa ca m-am limitat la .....apa plata (care imi mai ramasese). Dupa o alta jumatate de ora Suntv-ul a trecut si el de cealalta baricada, lasandu-ma  fara tv si net. Mai trebuia sa raman fara gaz si fara lumina si pachetu' era sa fie intreg. Ziua se promitea a fi foarte vesela.
 Sincer, ma simteam de parca eram paralizata. Intr-atat am ajuns sa fiu dependenta de toate acestea incat in lipsa lor ma simteam practic neajutorata. Am realizat in acel moment ca acest "refresh" m-a adus cu picioarele pe pamant. E foarte bine uneori sa nu ai nimic din cele strict necesare (apa, lumina, gaz, tv, net...ibric...zahar) pentru ca incepi sa le pretuiesti la adevarata lor valoare si inveti sa nu le mai risipesti in zadar. Atunci am hotarat sa fac o plimbare (mai ales ca meteorologii de maine prognozeaza racirea timpului, ploi si descarcari electrice). Afara m-am intalnit cu o vecina care tocmai se ducea la un concert in care o avea invitata de onoare pe Cleopatra Stratan. "De ce nu"?, mai ales ca acest centru pentru copii in care era concertul se afla la 2 minute de casa. In scurt timp ma si vad dansand cu Eva sub melodia "Ghita, te-astept deseara la portita...".
Acum am ajuns acasa si ma simt excelent cu toate ca inca nu am apa. In aceasta zi, asa cum a fost ea cu bune si cu rele, am reusit in cele din urma sa ma relaxez cum de mult timp nu am mai facut-o. Am ajuns la concluzia ca ar trebui sa cobor shtanga mai jos si sa ma bucur de lucrurile cu adevarat importante, pentru ca dorinta mea de a tinti cat mai sus in momentul de fata este invers proportionala cu posibilitatea mea. Cred ca asta si este solutia pe care deja o caut pe parcursul a mai multor luni.
N.B. Nu stiu cat de clar am scris pentru ca sint cam adormita, dar sper sa ma intelegeti.